When I saw you last night, walking down that busy shopping strip, I honestly thought I was tripping. Or maybe that the sheer strength of your presence in my mind had made you materialise in front of me. A few more steps and I knew that you were real, my panic threatened to drop me to my knees. I’m not sure if you saw me do it, probably not, you were always so oblivious and unaware of your surroundings on errands, but I tried to hide. I honestly turned and began to duck out of site, but my need to see you took over so I forced my body to turn again and go on towards you, not knowing at all how you would react to seeing me.
Walking up to you and not knowing what to expect felt so weird. I know you so well, I am usually more in tune with your reactions and feelings than I am of my own but I had no clue. It scared me a little and I hope that it doesn’t mean my connection with you has been forever terminated. When you gave me a little hug and said hi I almost fainted with relief. I sYou were polite, you were lovely. As you ran into the store though, my oldest friends anxiety and self doubt were quick to begin dissecting every moment of our brief encounter. Every part of me wants to believe that we are going to make this work, because there are very few things in this world that fit together the way we do and when one of these partnerships is found it becomes bound by a cosmic force.
But my head says you were able to stop and be cordial with me because you are already beginning to move on and the pain and hurt that made words impossible are slowly healing, festering sores now becoming scabs that will one day he just a faint mark left reminding you of a flame snuffed out long ago.
I didn’t expect you to respond this morning, but I can’t break the habit and you consume my mind so wholly when I am in those first waking moments of the day, when you messaged back, again friendly and polite, my conflicting thoughts resumed the St they were staging in my mind since I ad left you in the street last night?
He loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not….
Which will it be?